October 28, 2011 China Announces ‘Occupy America’ Mysterious Movement’s Goals Unclear BEIJING (The Borowitz Report) – The Chinese government raised eyebrows around the world today by announcing a mysterious national movement called “Occupy America.” In a brief statement, the Chinese government said that while Occupy America was “not exactly a protest movement,” its effects would be felt in “every city, town and Wal-Mart in America.” Hinting that the movement had widespread support in China, the statement said that Occupy America “would have the full participation of approximately 1.3 billion Chinese.” At the State Department, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said that the goals of Occupy America “remain unclear,” adding, “The official policy of the U.S. government towards things we don’t fully understand is to do nothing.” Later, after a phone call with Chinese officials, Secretary Clinton said she came away feeling reassured: “They told me that Occupy America actually started thirty years ago.” Elsewhere, to mark the Statue of Liberty’s 125th birthday, police across the country beat up protesters.  Read More Here   Upcoming Events November 02, 2011 at 06:00 PM New York! Andy appears in a live taping of the radio show 7 Second Delay at UCB Theater in New York City.  Tickets $5. Location: 307 West 26th Street New York NY 10001 For tickets go to 7 Second Delay November 19, 2011 at Miami! Andy will do a free show at the Miami Book Fair and sign copies of his new book, The 50 Funniest American Writers. Location: TBA December 03, 2011 at 07:30 PM Rhinebeck, NY – Free Show! Andy will do a FREE show and sign copies of his new book, The 50 Funniest American Writers.  RSVP is required for this event.  RSVP to rsvp@oblongbooks.com or call 845-876-0500. Location: Rhinebeck High School Auditorium, 45 North Park Rd., Rhinebeck, NY 12572 For tickets go to Oblong Books April 03, 2012 at 06:00 PM Mark Twain’s House! Andy will perform a special show at the Mark Twain Boyhood Home and Museum in Hannibal, MO.  Afterwards he’ll be signing copies of his new book, The 50 Funniest American Writers. Location: 120 N. Main St., Hannibal, MO 63401 For tickets go to Andy Borowitz at Mark Twain’s House The Borowitz Report: Waste Someone’s Time: Forward to a Friend. Sign up today for your own Borowitz Reports. Remove me from this list.